Let it wither.

Everything happened so swiftly.
I could hardly keep up but, I didn't want to slow down.

Almost suddenly, one of the longest friendships I had ever known,
Became increasingly romantic.

So much so, that when I entered her, I felt so much more than the raw walls of her insides.
I felt her aura. It's yellow. I felt her spirit.
And I loved it.

If I had ever, ever loved anyone, it was her.
And I still do. Without shame.

And before I knew it, I had a girlfriend.
And I loved it.

The expression, "God had another plan" rings entirely too true here.
He told her that she wasn't for me. That my calling was greater than her. And that her calling was now Him.
Oh! The beautiful irony.

I didn't argue. I understood and left her be
I didn't cry, though my heart broke a little.
Finally, here, I thought I'd caught the heart of the last woman I'd desire.
Clearly, I was wrong.

This is not a pity party, simply an update. Granted, this was a few months back.
And, like the wise sage Gucci once said, "miss one bus..."

Our friendship, I still value.
My heart, she will always reside in.
But my love must wither into nothingness

Like the carcasses of dead men, left in the hands of fire

Or like the hope of a consistently rejected romantic

Or the heart of a man who understands that purity is illogical

un-repressed

years, its been, since i stopped using my basic cancerian trait: le emotion
logic has been the path i have chosen for all the logical reasons.

reasons that i have begun to question

maybe i have grown weak. maybe, in the end, solitude simply isnt enough.
maybe recent, now almost-regrettable, events sparked a fire that the NYFD couldnt extinguish.
i dont know.
i have recently enjoyed the calming effect of waking up next to another.
and i have recently come to the conclusion that it is something i'd like to get used to.

this isnt new information.
i've always known this, so why are we revisiting the topic now?

i dont know

i was close to a relationship
but, God took the young lady from me.
now, i would never tell someone to give up their religion for my sake
but you havent known real shame until religion steals your chick.

"you're nice and all but you're not holy enough."

still, not a first but it cut a little deeper this time.
a lot deeper, honestly.

love is such an elusive element
like a rare pokemon
just when you stop looking, it appears
and just when you're about to catch it, it runs off
or dies.

im really a failure at things emotional
and it'll probably be that way for the next dozen valentine's days.

maybe cupid can hit one of my books with his arrow.

left, right, up, down

sometimes, i dont think God loves me.

like im his favorite ant to flick around.

i believe, i pray, im thankful, i spread happiness and peace

and yet,
around every corner, im met with rejection, deceit, failure and overall disappointment.

have i really set off this much bad karma?
seriously?





sometimes,
i miss the days when i lived in a cave

the storyteller's poem

come, come.
soft! sit.
and ponder if you will, of all the world.

the seas, the skies
the land, the lives
the ladies, the guys
the souls, the eyes.

what do they see?
how might they feel?
or
what can you show them?
how can you make them feel?

these were the questions Homer asked himself.
centuries later, Shakespeare repeated.
Poe, Hughes, Morrison and Lee.
and now, enter, me.

I have copied no answers, though my eyes have wandered.

curiosity, in fact, has fed my cat.
long have i wondered what other eyes see
and my pen whispers their lives into my ear
lives of sorrow, pain, indifference and fear.

hear ye and take heed
these stories have nothing to do with me
and have not been told to me
but
does that make them fictional?

...

fix your description of me
until you know the story of the one doing the story-telling.

i dont know where this is going.
i cannot predict the future.

all i can say is that i have a fantastic feeling.
i feel brand new.
humbled. broken and destroyed.
i arise from my own wreckage to be a better me.

looking around, i see all that i have accrued over the past few years: nothing.
therefore, i have nothing to lose.

i can only go up.

wait, i lied.

i did gain something.

a peace of mind.



finally.

and it starts

Before I go on to tell you the details of my little journey, it is probably wise to tell you of my other endeavors. There have been many. All with one main goal: to prepare the citizens for the revolution.
ironically enough, i dont do much talking during these little quest. Wisdom and guidance do not always need words.

they do not know that i am coming. they do not know, yet, of my mission.
they believe that i am dead.
and it has been ten long years since they've noticed me.
but from here on out, my existence can no longer be a secret. if i am to continue my journey then they will find out about me.

but, how do you find nobody?

no title.

you see me and say i'm suspect,

and thats what ive grown to expect.

momma told me that thats the way its always been.

im bad cause im black.

ive got it bad cause im black.

and, honestly, i was quite okay with that.

before.

but now, you're publicly executing me.

taking my life for no reason outside your own paranoia.

tormenting my mother. giving my father the finger.

depressing my sister. and terrifying my brothers.

and somehow, im the suspicious one.

im suspicious when you've stolen the very land you call home.

when you stole the labor it took to make this land into a home.

im the suspect but never once has anyone who ever looked like me killed off an entire race.

nor, enslaved every race under the mighty sun.

i've been bashed and ashamed for every wrong i've done.

but you hide your mistakes and rewrite the textbooks.

no. im not suspicious. you just need a place to vent your inner turmoil.

i am not the killer or the thief or the rapist or the liar or the embellisher.

but i will become those things.

fire vs fire. and i am satan.

i fight with centuries of anguish and mourning in my arsenal.

you fight out of fear.

and the cowards never live.

my people need not stand beside me, for they are afraid too.

consider yourself lucky. lucky that we once sided with Martin and not Malcolm.

but this is a war i can win without them.