the pain.

sometimes, i dream peaceful dreams. 

there are clear skies with perfect white clouds. the grass is beautifully green.  animals prance around, in harmony. 

everything is calm. 

i had a dream like that tonight. but it was interrupted. 

an odd sensation crept into my body as i laid stiff and still on this queen sized mattress. from my toes up my legs, through my pelvis, abs, all the way to the very tip of my head. 

i squirm and try to shake it off but it doesn't leave. it persist. 

"stop." i groan weakly.

it doesn't. 

this happens often and i'm used to it but i often do not enjoy it. 

it intensifies. the sensation turns into some kind of pain. 

i cringe. grip and rip my sheets. i wish it'd cease, but i know it won't.

it begins to feel as though this pain is trying to rip certain things out from the inside of me.

i cannot let it. i hold on for dear life. still, drips of my soul are extracted. 

yet the pain persists. 

i stand to my feet to confront this deamon. i will not die lying down. 

it intensifies still. pulling, ripping, gouging. 

i clench my teeth, my toes grip the sheets, my brow sweats, my hands hold onto the ceiling for support.

the determination of this beast is insurmountable. 

i know i cannot win.

and once i bathe myself in defeat, the rest of my innards are released. 

my knees buckle but in my pride, i catch myself. 

i know i have died a little.

"le petite mort"

she finishes with a slurp

and i collapse.