i'm at a weird stage in life.
a clown's juggling act comes to mind.
im juggling being a decent and bearable person to a new family. trying to get the love of my life back with me. and not totally shutting out my old family.
those are the three...balls so to speak.
as i toss all three in the air at once...i find myself in a sticky situation.

how to catch them all..and keep them in rotation.
if i let one fall...it'll explode leaving me scared for life.

i had a pretty horrible night. i wont go into detail.
no matter how you try to dress it...rejection hurts.
even if you choose not to call it rejection.

but in this day..i've learned a few things.

1. forgive..or become what you grow to hate.
2. when you change for people, they'll always want you to change back.
3. those who want to be there; will.
4. i freestyle way better when im angry.

so. even tho im totally miserable. even tho my life sucks

but no longer will i burden others with my woe is me party.
i'll keep it for this blog and notes maybe.

though the road is dark now...
streetlights guide me.
and i know i will reach my destination.

even if i must do so alone.