today has come.
june one.
my eviction.
cynthia came to me the other morning. tears in her eyes and good in her heart.
in my spite, i turned her away only listening when i say her eyes melting pearls.
she wants me to stay in touch. she wants me to know that this isnt easy. she wants me to know she tried. she offered me a place to stay until august but she also told me that i was a factor in her lingering divorce...something i want no part of.
apparently, i am "ten percent" of the their problems. so i decided to leave anyway. if they divorce, it will not be because of me.
so
i've been spending time with people who have meant something to me over the years.
wenseday: Shanika came over. we talked, joked and tried to come to terms with my situation. she had[has been] missing a lot of things going on due to our lack of conversation. [our texting conversation offically sucks b/c of one word responces and the like and phone calls dont exist.] so i filled her in telling her about my air force plan. if i ever felt like she was still mine, that was it. [yet right now, im not as confident.] she left not long after she came..but our conversation was needed and apperciated.
friday: i went to the ELHS graduation. saw some old oh7 grads that i havent seen since we walked across the stage. hung with Ariel, her younger sister and montez. me up with killa later that night. ate at tadzy's. laughed. gave advice. took advice. all until about 2am.
saturday: i met up with neighbor, joel. went to the pool. helped another friend do some work. went back to the pool. drank some "moonshine". got a buzz. smoked some ganja. relaxed my nerves.
for the entire day, i forgot about my problems. i went numb. and i loved every second. more friends came. Jessica Ridgley, Britni...etc. smoked more. drank more. before we knew it, a small get together was a semi party. i was drunk/elevated. and, again, i loved it. it was a night i needed. the only thing missing was some good sex.
sunday: woke up at joel's house. Britni cooked[again, actually]. ate. pool. chill. nap. chill. eat.
and finally, around six, i left to go see somebody i almost dreaded seeing. i didnt dread seeing this person because of who she is but because of how hard saying "goodbye" might be. this person has helped me cope with..everything. she has been what i lacked and did it all just to help me ease my worries. a real friend to say the least. she had a wonderful gift waiting for me. a picture frame with 13[my fav number] pictures of us, the name of our blogs and our government names. we went to get frosties...and after that..we talked. long. and deep.
and to my surprise, it wasn't sad. well not like i thought it was gonna be. it was nice. relaxing. soothing. reassuring. calming. and i loved it.
every person i came in concact with this weekend will be missed.
i dont know how things will go from here.
or where they'll go.
but i'm pretty much at the rock bottom now...[and the cliche goes...]
hopefully, this optomistic shit works...for everything.
