inspired to hate

my entire life, there has been one person who has claimed himself to be my "biggest ally" has also proven himself to be my most hated villain [or hero rather being that this is the diary of a villain].
my stepfather has reached the point of no return. there are mental categories that i put people in.
the unknowns: strangers, associates, classmates, etc. people i have no bond with.
the knowns: friends, "close" friends, etc. people who i dont mind spending or wasting my time with.
the hostiles: enemies, people i should watch, people i dont trust. self explanatory.
and lastly the no-faces: this group was just created recently. these are the people who i will not acknowledge. these are people i look at with a blank face because i have no emotions towards them. people who i wouldn't waste my time trying to actually fight because it would only be a tease. these are the people whose funeral i would smile at. but there is only one member of this group: Herbert James Moore II

apparently (and unnoticed by me)i spoke to my self proclaimed "dad" with rudeness and rebellion in my voice. although this sounds like something that would be of truth, i haven't said much of anything to this man for i dont believe in keeping my enemies close.
here is the story (briefly):
im sitting downstairs eating popeye's chicken, on the phone with my girlfriend and making small talk with my sister. the household male over 2o walks in the kitchen area and begins his usual rant of chores needed to be done. being reminded that the grass needed to be cut and the weeds pulled the next day, i replied, "i know."
"what?" he asked. i figured he didnt hear me so i repeated my answer, three times. maybe he was expecting a different answer. i dont know what it was, maybe he should have asked someone else.
still on the phone, i whisper a, "hold on,' as his orders continue.
he moves on to ask me why i havent washed his truck. it was Tuesday. i was granted the weekend to myself after our session with the shrink (and a few glasses of Smirnoff mojito). monday, i attempted to cut the grass before the lawnmower let off a small explosion. after which i left the house for the pool and soon after returning (and having an encounter with my mother) darkness came. today (tuesday) it rained. i could possibly be at fault for not sitting around and waiting for him to return to wash his already unattractive vehicle.

having lost my appetite for the quarter biscuit left in my hand. i place it back in its box and grab my empty drink to place them in the garbage can (while his rant was still going on).
"if you get up i'll punch the fuck outta you"
begrudgingly i sat only because i wasnt prepared for a fight. i was too lax and my knife was upstairs.
"i was just gonna throw my trash away."
and just like that, this nigga grabbed me by my neck, slammed me to the ground out of my chair and was choking me.
he asked me a question
with halfway swallowed biscuit still in my mouth and his heavy hands restricting my air flow, all i could mouth was, "i cant talk."
he reminded me of his question with, "do you understand me?!"
i obliged with a , "yessir." maybe that was the answer he wanted earlier.

the new threat got up, untied his robe exposing his fat and my would be target had i had my knife.
"swing!" he dared me. i was never one to turn down a good dare, but this was stupid. STOOPID
"go head, swing." i didnt want to "swing". i wanted to laugh. he looked so childish trying to taunt me. i didnt want to "swing", i wanted to stab. right through his chin to close his mouth.
i looked at him with a blank face. people write on blank faces, just as they do paper. they fill it with what they want it to say or what they think it should say.
he knew he was wasting my time, so he assumed my blank face was saying, "nigga why you wastin' my time?"
all i did was stare. he lost his cool, and i had won.

i coolly walked up stairs until i reached my room. where i let the emotions that should have poured out onto my enemies' face, surface. i made a call. a friend of mine who had a friend who offered me a gun not too long ago. it might be handy. and i sent a text. my girlfriend to let her know that i wouldnt be calling her back tonight.
i put on some pants, a shirt and grabbed my skates.

a friend was sent looking for me by my worried sister. i had vented already and regained my stiff composure, so when he offered that i get off the curb and get in his car, i did.
we talked. and him being the honest friend that he is, he reassured me that in this particular incident i had done no wrong. and dammit he was right.
i returned to the residence in which will no longer be called "home" and waiting was the three man assault team of the main enemy, his wife and her older sister. my only regret was coming back two hours later. (i should have waited until i knew they were asleep).
they began their "conversation" with me. of course, regardless of the fact that i remained completely cool in the earlier events, i still managed to come out the bad guy. the loser.
my mother is ready to wash her hands of me...she knows where the sink is
my aunt is heart broken to have heard me say some of the very few words that i granted them...find some tape and a stapler.
and the assaulter wants me to stop fighting him...clearly im the non-violent one.

i kept my last name Foster for a reason: i knew i didnt belong with the Moores. and i knew that one day, my last name would completely set me apart from them. i believe it has served its purpose

and i watch

...place a chips ahoy in a cup of milk. what happens? it slowly but surely dissolves. breaking off into smaller and smaller pieces until it absorbs so much milk that each crumb sinks. hitting rock (or glass) bottom.
as of this exact moment...my life is that cookie and it has begun to sink.

crumb number one: not being enrolled in any college
crumb number two: not having a decent job
crumb number three: ...well, i wont continue to list the "crumbs". its too much work.

the point is, my life is falling apart.

a while ago my family decided to sign us up to see a shrink. with every fiber in my body i detested this idea. maybe its just me, but i dont find it important anymore as to why my family and i dont get along. i had planned on moving out soon and once i did, i would lose contact and possibly never hear from them again.

[2 hours later]...there are many many issues that i am dealing with. but i dont feel like sitting here typing about them . i wanna skate.
fuck this