[distractions are coming from every direction]
focus.
ok.
within the past few days i've grown tired.
and in my exhaustion i've found my strength.
this fall should be good for me.
everyone is leaving...again.
i'll be alone...again.
giving me time to really focus on the only person that matters: me.
that leads me to wonder...
who am i.?
well. i know who i am
i dont think you, the readers, do.
none of you do.
none of you know how much i despise you.
or how much i love you.
or how much i might need your support.
speaking of which: i received some much needed words of support.
not from who i had wish it was but nonetheless.
it was the motivation i needed.
it was the smile i needed.
life isn't yet "ok"
its still dark in the daytime
but
i'm managing.
i'm learning to deal with things in a different way.
loss. heartache. hate. disdain.
things that could lead to depression no longer have a hold on my emotions.
people who have thrown me into this hole no longer have a hold on my emotions.
possibly because i'm forcing emotions out of my life.
"think logically," i often hear myself saying under my breath.
its a shift that i need.
something thats almost impossible for a cancer such as myself but...i'm trying.
and its working.
this fall should be interesting.
seeing who really wants to be a part of my life
and who lets things slip away.
thoughts are weapons. im using them.
words only go so far.
actions are deceiving.
seeing as how i can only read my thoughts...i can only trust myself.
a shift well received.
