fighting for the past. for what was.
for six long months i've fought this fight. it was one thing i can say i really gave my all to.
but
it was to no avail.
never love someone who cant love you more.
i have loved this woman with every inch of my persona.
i sacrificed. i gave. and i'm sure they did too.
six months.
14 months before that.
all of which i devoted to her. all of which i gave everything.
but it was to no avail.
it seems that even though i've given my all...they cant do the same.
so in an "all or nothing" world, this person has decided to be nothing.
logical, is it not.?
i will not succumb to being in an sometimey relationship again knowing i will give all and receive some. and they will not be in a relationship with the burden of giving all. instead they'll roam this world looking for a love that they probably wont find elsewhere. an understanding that might not exist.
i dont judge this person for their ill choices.
i dont hate them for their contradictions of love.
but i am disappointed.
it seems that even now the title "failure" follows me.
but unlike before...i embrace it.
am i deeply hurt and saddened, yes. but it will not destroy me.
i will not let it. i've got too many other deamons to fight to allow myself to give in to this one.
in a matter of a day and a half i will be homeless.
but i have a plan.
a master plan. only a few random ears have heard this scheme and none others will until it is implemented.
though my heart weeps and my skies grey i am not depressed.
i find my peace in these words and in my weed.
yes.
i am lonely. i sleep and wake up to an inactive phone in an empty bed.
and i know, through it all, my nomadic nature of nonstop moving will help me move away from this dark time.
everything is as it is
and i plan to let it be.
