Something not even Luke Skywalker could say.
A lot of friends my age have no clue about their fathers. some, even, to the extent that they can't even recall his name or facial features.
this move has saved me from that fate.
i know who my father is. i know what hes done. being able to say that means more than anything i've known.
for years i've hated this man for leaving me.
then i forgave him but avoided him in fear of another disappointment.
consider that another fear i've conquered easily.
i know my father
and better yet, i love him.
coming to vegas was risky and i lost a lot doing so;
friends, belongings, her. things i hold dear to me.
and it was well worth it.
he is a feared man but through listening to his stories and drunken tirades i have heard his pain. running away at 15. growing up in the streets. being betrayed and flaked on by everyone who he ever held close, i'm included. listening to his best friend die to a game of russian roulette.
the guy never really had anyone fight for him.
guess thats where my sense of "me v. the world" comes from.
i feel empowered . renewed. its safe to say that i needed this. its taken a great deal of my anger and laid it to rest.
i'm at peace.
at peace.
peace.
sidebar: i've been condensed to fit in a folder with everyone else when i was told that i was better than that. but words no longer gas me up or break me down so i'll refrain from indulging in the glorifying / condemning rings of those words. but i refuse to be the single point in which a seesaw of uncontrolled and misread emotions. so i've taken my focal point and moved it. yes, i'm angry but i'm smarter than anger. watch.
