mirror?

so i did some dabbling.
heard something that made me smile from ear to ear.
peep.



see what i mean?! what better influence than that?

music.

we've done nothing but bond lately.
from the Kings of Leon to MGMT to B.o.B. its been blissful. this is why i love her more than anything else in the world.

i've been indulging in classic rock (pink floyd, ACDC, Rolling Stones and the like) , more Beatles (as if i could ever have enough) and a lot of B.o.B. like..a LOT. hes very quickly made his way to #3 in my favorite rapper slot. and hes from the Eastside of atlanta. its like riding around eastpoint everytime i listen to a song.

it goes without saying that Lupe has been in constant rotation. thats daily life.
on 5/1 my life might change.
i'll be going to see Lupe Fiasco and B.o.B in concert.

let that sink.

for those of you who do not understand the lyrical severity of this event, please click the small "x" in the top right corner of your screen.
its gonna be bonkers. probably the best event of my life since losing my virginity. im hype beyond all belief. might even fly to NY to see it with Chuck, Joey and Sharmin.
maybe i'll find Trudy and tell her to fly here to see it with me. i wonder if she would. i'd really hate to see it with anybody less than a believer.




(sidenote: if i were a rapper, i'd be a mix between B.o.B and Lupe. )

further update.

i sit and i try to think of things to complain about and i can't.

things have just been falling into place for the last two months. i dont want to jinx it but damn.
in addition to my current job, i have three other openings.
-a temp job with a painting company. 15$/hr
-a leasing agent. commission/1000$ rent
-a journalist. does it matter?
thats right, i've found an opening with a newspaper. i could very well be launching my journalism career and i havent even begun to finish school.
(lowkey: fuck school. i'm going back because im thirsty for knowledge suddenly. otherwise, ya'll can have it.)

i can't say that i've been this happy in a while. but my grind doesnt stop just yet. i need to make sure that things don't regress. insurance. we'll work on that.

i'll be meeting my sister soon. the first time ever. yea...thats how i feel about it.

my wrting abilities have returned. plenty of things in the works.
-chasing winds
-pandora's aslyum
-Black.
and i'm not talking short stories either.

what else should you know?
oh, i dont talk to anybody really. i stay alone mostly and nobody really tires to contact me. i shop alone. go see movies alone. eat alone. smoke alone. sleep alone and wake up alone. its not too bothersome.
Trudy is still dealing with a broken phone i think, so no her.
Lauren is heartbroken
and Shanika...well her hands are full. and with that, i'm dealing. its not too easy but its not odee hard. hell, all i gotta do is look and i remember where my place. where i belong.
where i belong is not in mississippi or maryland. its hardly in atlanta. where i belong is exactly where i am: in this happy, little, money making world of mine.

i deactivated my facebook account. i think i said that previously. but yea, lent. not like it was getting much attention anyway. outside of the daily likes, comments and post left by Trudy.

i feel like i'm missing something vital. i probably am, oh well.
i miss a lot of people. some are gone for good, some choose to remain distant and others will be back soon enough. meanwhile: my army will expand.

getting closer to my dreams.

honestly, that sums it up.

(i've got a good mind to end the post there. but)

job is bringing in money. job #2 is on its way. i've got like 3 or 4 books swirling around in my head. and i've decided to change my autobiography into a series type thing. it'll be fictional only because my imagination sees some quite humorous moments that won't happen until i write it. 

i can hardly do this post because my heart isnt in sync with it. my emotions are stone. i'm finally happy even though i'm totally alone (aside from pops.) i'll be going to Atlanta to visit but i wont be staying. i wont be leaving vegas for a while. 

im focusing on me and what i want.

"what is that?" one might ask.

well...i was never a demanding fella.

so, money, more clothes, time to do this book and the motivation to do so. 

sex would be nice but i'm not tripping. i'm throughly annoyed with 100% of the women i've talked to within these last few weeks. 

all i need is one key entry point and i'll be good in the company sector.

though, i doubt they can keep me company like i can.

twitter helps =)

things have certainly changed.

i dont feel as pressed as i used to. stress is washing itself away. nothing is really "wrong".

this is the part in life called the "comeup." things are getting better. acquired job #1, search for #2 starts monday, school is in progress, new apartment, women are still used as the mindless and easily confused creatures that they are and i remain alone. 

things are back at homeostasis.

i'm not emotionally unstable. i'm not odee angry. i'm not pointlessly happy.

the only thing i am is excited, for things to come.

i sense the struggle of my past washing off my shoulders and anticipation for the future motivating me to "go."

finally, the world feels like its where it belongs ; at my fingertips. i hate butterfingers (simpsons or not).

refreshed.

blog Playlist by @ipodtee on MySpace Music - Play Playlist Songs & Download Tracks

i hear this playing as i drive back to georgia. a good ol country song-ish type thing. i love the entire feel of it. viva la music.

i know who my father is.

Something not even Luke Skywalker could say.

A lot of friends my age have no clue about their fathers. some, even, to the extent that they can't even recall his name or facial features. 

this move has saved me from that fate. 

i know who my father is. i know what hes done. being able to say that means more than anything i've known. 

for years i've hated this man for leaving me.

then i forgave him but avoided him in fear of another disappointment.

consider that another fear i've conquered easily.

i know my father

and better yet, i love him.

coming to vegas was risky and i lost a lot doing so;

friends, belongings, her. things i hold dear to me.

and it was well worth it.

he is a feared man but through listening to his stories and drunken tirades i have heard his pain. running away at 15. growing up in the streets. being betrayed and flaked on by everyone who he ever held close, i'm included. listening to his best friend die to a game of russian roulette. 

the guy never really had anyone fight for him.

guess thats where my sense of "me v. the world" comes from. 

i feel empowered . renewed. its safe to say that i needed this. its taken a great deal of my anger and laid it to rest. 

i'm at peace.

at peace.

peace.

sidebar: i've been condensed to fit in a folder with everyone else when i was told that i was better than that. but words no longer gas me up or break me down so i'll refrain from indulging in the glorifying / condemning rings of those words. but i refuse to be the single point in which a seesaw of uncontrolled and misread emotions. so i've taken my focal point and moved it. yes, i'm angry but i'm smarter than anger. watch.