ah yes.

it feels great to, once again, spill my soul onto this neglected site.
oh how i have missed thee.
much has occurred. much has remained the same.

but all in all things are...well...things are. they simply are. i am not yet happy (since i have, finally, begun my search for such an intangible possession) but i'm not as miserable as i once was. complacent. i believe thats the word.

things in the family have gotten worse: my stepfather and i do not speak, even if in the same room or at the same table. childish as it may seem, it is the way of two stubborn men both of which cannot seem to respect the other. my mother and i are up and down. my sister and myself get along quite nicely most of the time. life here is hardly bearable but i must endure. in june, they are planning to kick me out (regardless of the fact that im in school AND working). hopefully i can get into a summer school program on a campus. West GA? smh. (whats funny is that i KNOW they're gonna want to call me and talk to me for my birthday in july, the very next month. they will get the same response tarrance, sr gets: none. but being in West ga will allow me to be THAT much closer to Shanika...

speaking of...she gave me the absolute best valentine's gift i could have asked for: her. being that she schools in mississippi and is there more than she is home it was quite the pleasant surprise to wake up from a slightly irritated sleep to see her unexpected face. she tricked me into believing that she was still in Mississippi when she was really on her way home. made cupcakes and everything. we spent the weekend together. walmart.mall.out to eat. after so many arguments and being on the verge of breaking up it was exactly what we needed to put us back where we want/need to be. previously, i hated all holidays. now, thanks to her, i can no longer say such a thing.

today, i heard Dr.Cornell West give a lecture. he is quite the eccentric man. his views are very well noteworthy, though i took none. [typical]. but more so than his wondrous words of wisdom, he gave me something that i needed. something i did not expect. something, im sure, he didn't mean to give. something that i don't understand. he gave me confidence. i, finally, have a plan. a goal. something worth working towards and in some odd and unknown way Cornell West made me believe that it truly is worth perusing. [i really wish i could remember some if his words, i'm sure they'll come to me later] it was truly a great experience. i was honored enough to shake his hand and exchange dialogue. thus, i believe i will thank him once my book gets published.

speaking of that book...i trashed it. yea...i know. i have a lot of friends begging and rushing me to produce one. seriously, not in a "ha ha, yea this is good," kind of way. in a "no, seriously, write a fucking book," kind of way. so my previous work which only made it to chapter five has been deleted. fret not, i have a new idea and have begun putting it together. i will begin writing by march. and i think an autobiography might be nice. from my graduation, to my year at howard, until now with the underlying fact that i have been nothing more than a failure the majority of those times being the pushing force. it should evoke plenty of emotion, if done correctly.

well...until next time my loyal readers. let us hope next time will not take two months.