like a swinging ton of bricks.

i've been talking about how much things have changed for since i got home. 

but just yesterday did it actually hit me.

i woke up around noonish, for no particular reason. 

got dressed: Donald Trump button-up, Gap cardigan, Gap chincos, Zara trench coat and Aldo shoes. 

mapqusted my destination and departed. my reason for traveling was forced to the back of my mind by the brisk wind hitting my face through my lowered, driver's seat window and the loud, rhythmic sounds of Kings of Leon. 

i stopped at target...and mindlessly picked out two logical and semi-thoughtful gifts.

i continued for an additional 30 mins. i had gotten lost. so i went into a gas station around the area i thought i was supposed to be in and asked for directions. an old and fat white man pointed me in the right direction. [sidenote: i've never seen a problem with stopping and asking for directions. isn't that something men are supposed to hate doing? ]

i sat in my car, ate my two doughnuts and finally let the reason for my appearance fester:

my best friend since high school is pregnant. 

knocked up.

with child.

due any day.

...due any day. 

that means, no more long nights on the city streets. no more of the friendship i used to know. 

its a totally different world. 

i arrived a few minutes late to the baby shower. and the first person i saw was killa (my knocked-up friend). and protruding from her waistline was little Jade, waiting to wreak her havoc into the world.

the rest of the day, i sat in awe.

the only constant in life is: change

hell, my life has changed more in the last two years than most peoples ever will.

but this is a change i wasnt ready for. 

not so much the pregnancy, but knowing that the dynamic of most of my friendships has changed.

friends are moving on. loving, raising kids, living other lives. 

i was in such a rush to leave a life i had just established that i didn't think that coming back to the life i left would be so different. 

im not sure if im supposed to leave these friends where they are and find new ones or try to fight my way back into their lives. 

(as if fighting for friendship is really an option -_-)

i didnt count on things being so different

i didnt count on everything changing

i left vegas to come home. then got home and found myself homeless.