the ultimatum.

i haven't the correct song for the moment.
well...i did but it wont give me the full song.
"hope she'll be happier" bill withers.

so i question myself:
can i make her happy.? can i bring a smile again.?
i thought: yes. and i will.

that was at 5am. i had broken through my insecurities and was ready to do something.
and when i told this to her she did what i should have expected:
shot me down.
i'm actually too [insert word here] to repeat what she said.

but basically, after her verbal lashing, if i decided to give up on my plan to make her smile again she'd leave for good.

lets ponder on that for a second.
tarrance has plan
tarrance gets excited
tarrance shares excitement with shanika
shanika shoots tarrance down
shanika doubts tarrance
shanika stomps on tarrance
shanika demands tarrance to carry out his plan.
makes sense right.?

fucking wrong.
so i left her house. went to walmart for an oil change.
i just needed air. space.
then i needed to pack for myrtle beach...

side note: i'm not excited for this trip anymore. its a lost cause. i skipped out on a Kid Cudi concert with a wonderful friend to indulge in the long awaited trip. but now...i already know how its gonna go. Kolen and his girl are gonna be booed up. Shanika and her phone are gonna be doing the same. Tarrance will indulge in the moonlit beach alone.
oh joy. wtf.
end side note.

sigh.
i'm not even angry anymore. it hurts. it sucks. but im not mad. nor sad.
disappointed. yeah.
but i knew it would be something. its always something. either its her or i'm simply being overlooked due to the romantic/sexual passes of the members of her phone book.
right.


8pages.
eight pages of pictures on facebook of us together.
and this is what its come to.

an ultimatum.