because nothing gold can stay.

i feel some kind of way.
deff not happy.
kinda not sad.
indifferent? but i care.
idk...emotions are stupid and should be ignored. yet, im run almost solely off these things.

i had the play today. did ok i guess. i felt better in practice. not sure why.
we performed for the homeless. got a lot of em saved. it felt really good to be a part of something so pivotal in someone's life. possibly the best thing i've ever given a homeless person.
the sad thing is...when i looked into the faces of the audience...all i could see was myself. with every glance, i saw a future me.. a failure. a struggling nameless nobody, too down and out to pick myself up and fix my life.
maybe its a good thing i could relate to my crowd...but i hated it.
bittersweet experience.

and of course, the girlfriend set everything off.
but because i don't want to bore you with my emotional and illogical babble, i'll keep it short:
i think she wants to be single again.
also, i think, she thinks she is.

im not sure because shes not returning my text...

so it seems grey turns back into black.