lets see.

i haven't had internet for the past couple of days. but that hasnt stopped me from blogging...just posting.
re-reading my last intended post...i've decided against it.
too many emotions. too many possibly hurt feelings.

so i sit poolside at trudy's apartment watching the sun quickly disappear behind black clouds which quickly produce rain.
its relaxing. the water hitting the water. the danish i just ate. the orange juice.
everything is oddly serene. and...i'm at peace even in the midst of a downpour. while others panic and run for cover....i remain..i chill.

my life is nothing but chaos. move here. go there. job elsewhere. come here. pay this. get that. you need other...
but...right now...i'm ok. i dont know where my next meal is gonna come from. or where i'm gonna live...though i hate the instability...i'm managing.

i'm single and hating it. even the attention from those that want to be in is a nucience.
i can barely finish a txt before i get another one coming in.
some of them demand CONSTANT attention.
but being that i'm lonely so much these days i dont mind giving for the constant return.

shanika and i have finally made amends. its safe to say things are back on the right track.
the "others" hardly matter anymore. i think we've accepted the fact that our lives might stay filled with other people forever just because of who we are.
we're the guy/girl that everyone likes.
our relationship started with it being just us. a few close friends..but hardly that.
just D!va & iPod. who could tell us anything..? nobody. we were the best. period.

but things have changed.
people have changed.

the storm has ceased since i began typing this...
maybe my life will look up in the same way...such is life.
and i'm at peace with that now. it hurts...but i'm dealing.

so lets just see.
((this post took over 3 hours. smh))